Delayed ... for now

As much as I wanted to have my surgery on Jan. 10, I have ended up having to change the date.
First, I greatly disappointed myself over Christmas by going on a binge ... something that the surgeon had strictly forbidden. When you eat sugary and fatty foods, you run the risk of swelling your liver. Dr. O'Rourke had explained that every patient comes in with a fatty liver, so the ideal is to lose weight and shrink it.
Rather than lose over Christmas, I gained.
That was part one. Part two is that my thyroid test came back low ... and had been so for a while, it would seem. This is the reason my energy level, which had been running high until about a month or so ago, has been in the toilet.
Finally, I made a decision: I need to be strong both mentally and physically for the challenge ahead. So today, I reluctantly made the call to OHSU to reschedule my surgery. I don't have another date at this point as the surgery scheduler is still off for the holiday, but I am going to see if I can be slotted in for the end of February.
This will also take a lot of pressure off in regard to work. As it was, I was going to be rigidly kept to a two-week recovery period because of a co-workers vacation plans (which I certainly didn't begrudge her). If I can get in at the end of February, then that will give me a month-long window of time if I need it. I doubt I will need it, but it takes a lot of the pressure off.
In one way, I feel really badly about this. Mainly because I feel like I let not only myself down, but a lot of others. Then I realize: I can't let what others think about my decision affect me. I have to do what is right for my body and my health. So ...  February it is.
In the meanwhile, I am back on my protein concentration diet, carefully metering out the carbs. By the time my new date rolls around, I should be back to feeling strong and healthy once again, ready to meet this next challenge.
I just keep thinking ... this race isn't a sprint ... it's a marathon.

Wheee! Riding the roller-coaster ...

I could have also called this entry the ode to the surgery that almost wasn't ... at least, not on Jan. 10. But after a few phone calls, it's all good, I found out this morning. Phew!
I don't know if I misunderstood (possible) or what happened, but on Monday when I went down to the hospital's Center for Health and Healing (a brand new facility on the waterfront), I was shocked and dismayed to discover that my surgery was scheduled for Jan. 17.
There was a (not so slight) problem with that date: My co-worker, Dawn, had already graciously moved her vacation to another date to accomodate my Jan. 10 date. This was going to throw a major wrench in the works. I had resigned myself to a new surgery date in late February. But ... that didn't happen. Someone who had planned to have the surgery on Jan. 10 had canceled, and I slipped right into the spot.
I spent one night worrying about having to wait. I didn't think I would chicken out, I just wondered how long I just don't like waiting. Those who know me, realize how impatient I can be. Toe-tapping, arm-crossing and drawn-out-sighing are not out of the question ... hehehe.
My day at OHSU on Monday consisted of the pre-surgery medicine (blood work, an EKG, urine test and vitals). Then I got to meet the surgeon. A friend had told me that Dr. Robert O'Rourke had a terrible bedside manner. I asked Rick what he thought of the doc, and we both agreed that he seemed fine. Honest. I like honest.
He told me that I needed to lose more weight, but did not set a goal. He said the main reason to lose more weight is to free up the liver of any excess fat that you are able. During the surgery, this vital organ is lifted out of the way in order to access the areas that they need to staple and re-section (the stomach and intestine). Some patients have been known to have problems from the liver being lifted in such a manner. One woman I know from an online forum (called the Thinner Times Forum http://www.thinnertimesforum.com/index.php? --- it is a site that I recommend to anyone who is considering the surgery because of the level of experience that the members there have) reported having her liver "crack" during surgery because of last-minute binging. Ummm ... I'm not interested in that at all.
Dr. O'Rourke laid out the risks. He has done 500 surgeries, and has only had one complication ... from which the patient did die. It was a leak in the intestine, which is rare but happens, he said. I try not to think about it.
The doc also decided that since I had an old heart attack that shows up on my EKG (when it occurred, I really have no idea ...), he wants to have a cardiologist sign off on me. So, on Dec. 20, I go back to OHSU to see one of the specialists there.
Things are on track, and I am down to 26 days. It still feels unreal. As I sit here, I am listening to the song "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. It's what's been ringing in my mind for a couple of days now.
"Today is ... where your book begins: The rest is still unwritten."
Yeah, I totally get that.
Have a great day!

Let me tell you about Joan ...

I can't believe how time has flown in this journey. It was only back in May that I stepped through the doors at Lite Weights for Women, scared to enter such an unfamiliar environment yet excited to know that this was just the beginning of a lifetime commitment to health and wellness.
I've learned so much from Joan at Lite Weights. She has been a source of great inspiration to me. If this starts to sound a little bit like an ad for her gym, please forgive me. That is not my intention. But what she has going on there is just too good to share.
First off, it is only for women which for a woman of not only my size, but my shyness level, this works wonderfully well. I feel 100 percent comfortable there, sweating in my less-than-flattering workout attire.
And then ... there is the boutique. I have found so many wonderful things. The other day, I had to let Joan know exactly the presence of Lite Weights has meant to me. I have never felt "feminine" really. I have always been a jeans and T-shirts kind of girl (first), then woman. I think I can count on both hands the times I have worn a dress in my life and that includes bridesmaid dresses and my own wedding gown.
At the gym, I have found jewelry ... blingy, with rhinestones, which I have fallen in love with totally. When Joan brought in bellydancing wraps that jingle with coins, I was drawn to them and got one. Bellydancing has been one of my goals for a while, but not only was I too heavy to fit into any of the attire, I simply could not move well enough to be able to consider it. I am getting closer and one of these days, plan to take a class through Parks & Rec to learn the moves from a "real" instructor rather than the DVD I bought off of Amazon.
Then I got a jangly ankle bracelet to wear with my bellydancing gear. And the other day, Joan was talking about doing something at the gym with this form of dancing perhaps (I say perhaps because ... I don't want to commit her to something that may not work out).
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, for the first time in my life, I feel ... womanly. I have to think that this is entirely appropriate, since I am of the feminine sex.
I like being a woman. I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I am reveling in this newfound feeling of ... girlishness? Yes, I'm 44 years old and finally feel like a girl. I'm not sad over it. I'm glad that I finally got to this point. I wish I had done this so long ago, but I guess that everything happens in its own time. There is no rushing destiny.

On a related note ... one that I am so very pleased to share: It looks like a bariatric surgery support group is going to make its way off the ground in the very near future. Joan has volunteered use of the gym as meeting space, and she is working with some other friends (I shall not name names, as these people have undergone the surgery and have told me, but I'm not sure if they have shared it with "the world" so to speak as yet). When the time comes, all will be revealed, I am sure.
There is so much we can all learn from each other. Great information to share and just general support. Every person has their journey and their cross to bear. This is ours.
As the time and date become clearer, I hope to provide information to The Daily News for a Community Event item. I will also put information here and out on Facebook. The organizers also hope to bring in speakers, perhaps from OHSU.

Have a wonderful day and blessings!

Water, water everywhere ...

While talking to a friend the other day about her niece, who had gastric bypass surgery on Dec. 2, I realized what my biggest fear is regarding this surgery.

I am not afraid of the complications that could occur during surgery. The notion of leaks and my liver cracking in the middle of the three-hour operation don't worry me as much as the aftermath and the battle of wills that is going to take place with me, myself and I.

This friend's niece was thirsty after the operation. But immediately following the surgery, you are only allowed 30 cc's of fluid (of course, you are on an IV, but that dry mouth issue can't be solved by a tube in the vein).

I am ... a gulper. I love water, dosed with Crystal Light or the generic equivalent. When I exercise, I drink it like it's going out of style. I love the taste of it in my mouth and the feeling of it sliding down my throat.

My new life will consist of sip, sip, sip. A mouthful at a time, taking care not to stretch the egg-sized pouch that will be my "new" stomach. That is what scares me the most.

I can handle the hunger and the pain. But thirst ... that's quite another story. I think it's time to get my mind in gear and start sipping. Maybe if I can train myself in advance, the day of reckoning won't come as much of a shock.

On a lighter note, the other day while Christmas shopping, I bought two cotton sleep sets at J.C. Penney. They were on clearance and cost $12.50 altogether. Now ... that wasn't the thrilling part.

I have always been larger in my top than my bottom. I bought this in a size XL (I wear a 3X or larger in my top). I almost rejected the set outright, then realized: I can wear the bottoms now ... and the top further down the line. Something to look forward to :)

I guess in the scope of things, water and size XL clothing don't seem that important. But to me ... they are what I have to hold onto. That and freedom from diabetes. Good things come to those who wait ...