Fear of photos

As the calendar counts down to the surgery date (39 days as of this blog post), I decided I had better take a look at the column that will appear in The Daily News the week before my surgery. It's amazing how much my perspective has changed since I first wrote it.
The chip on my shoulder has been sloughed down by knowledge. I've talked to so many people who have either had or are having this same surgery, and I am feeling confident.
At least, at this minute I am. There are those other times when I literally shake thinking of the days that lie ahead. The changes. The fear. The pressure I will place on myself.
When those moments hit, I remember something that my mother has said often: "There but for the grace of God go I."
I have nothing of which to be afraid. This journey is a positive one. There are others of my family and friends whose journeys are taking them to places of darkness. Mine ... is all light. I am lucky. I am blessed.
 I am not afraid.
In the spirit of not afraid, I am following through on uploading those full-body photos that I talked about in my last post. My co-worker, Dawn Johnson Deal, took the photos. She did a great job. For my last photo, she told me to "pose like a model." I'm glad she did, because my first photo really shows how nervous I am ... arms tucked behind my, one hand crept into the jeans pocket. I chose to use the last one, my "glamor" shot :)
As I even think about putting these pictures on display, it feels almost surreal. I don't look at myself in photos. I don't allow parts of my body to be snapped. My stomach, my double-chin, my back. Oh boy.
My new friend, fellow gym rat and gastric bypass patient, Jennifer Christensen Zacher, gave me some advice on the subject of photos. One of her regrets, she said, is that she didn't document the changes in her body as they occurred. With her surgery, Jennifer lost a tremendous amount of weight and now looks simply amazing. She is healthy and proves it by doing Zumba at our gym, Lite Weights for Women.
I'm going to follow her advice. So, this is my first set of photos. What you are seeing here is a woman who is completely out of her comfort zone. I am exposing my tender underbelly (no pun intended), but I do not ask for sympathy or compassion.
As Popeye said, "I yam what I yam."