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Saturday, September 15, 2012

I love my body =)

This journey is evolving into so much more. It has become less about the pounds and ounces I am dropping and more about the changes that are occurring underneath the shrinkage.
Don't get me wrong: Being lighter is amazing. Something I haven't experienced ... ever, really. I love it.
Overall, as I grow more accustomed to not using food as a shield for my emotions, I have found myself coming more in touch with my feelings. The other night, I had dinner with my friend, Sue-Ellen, and sort of spewed out how much I enjoyed her company. I told her that I love her, and I do.
I want to spend more time with my friends and my loved ones. For a long time, I have lived like a hermit. Food addiction can do that to you. Alcoholics many times like to drink alone. Drug addicts shoot up in private, hiding their secret from prying eyes. When I ate myself into oblivion, I hid too. I found excuses to stay cooped up at home ... just me and whatever I could whip up out of the cupboard.
The reason why I started this post, though, is that tonight I realized I have found a new love. Something better than fruit ... more filling than any donuts I used to eat. More satisfying than pizza ... never thought I'd say that ;-)
It's my body.
Don't misunderstand: I have not suddenly become a mirror hound, admiring myself at every turn. Truth be told, I hesitate to look in the mirror at all, unless I am putting on my makeup or taking a photo to post to Facebook (lol). I have sagging skin ... my breasts are shrinking. I have batwings on my upper arms ... my upper inner thighs look like a couple of sharpeis have decided to take naps there. The list goes on. This is not a litany of self-hate. It is the reality of what losing a fair amount of weight can do to a body.
Just because I don't spend a lot of time looking at this wondrous machine doesn't mean that I don't love it.
Nearly every movement it makes is under my control. I do my crunches at the gym and feel that core (those muscles that are still bubble-wrapped with loose skin and flab) tighten satisfyingly. I walk on the treadmill or run with the puppies, and the muscles in my legs flex smoothly. I have very little pain in my knees, for which I consider myself lucky, and am figuring out that a stronger core is helping my back to be less painful.
As I write this, it is Friday night. Earlier this evening, I walked from our home to the river where I jogged and walked the trail there. Roughly 45 minutes, burning about 300 calories. The best part?
I was so close to RUNNING that I could almost taste it. There was a joy to be found there.
The satisfying crunch of my tennis shoes on the gravel. Black Sabbath blaring "Iron Man" in my ears. I was alone but not by myself ... all around me was the beauty of nature (when you are happy and feeling good, even the dusty dredge spoils are lovely).
I will never be a model, and thankfully, I have never had such aspirations. Although I am still concentrating on weight loss, I am also hoping to build as much lean muscle as possible.
I've decided it's time to stop fighting this body structure I was born with and use it to its fullest potential instead: I have broad shoulders, narrow hips and no butt to speak of. I am destined to be small and wiry ... built more like a boy than a girl.
And love it =) ...


  1. Enjoyed reading your post....It made me laugh and say....Right there with you, girl...Gotta love what the good Lord gave you....You're lookin' good...Keep up the good work and it will be worth every moment because you will feel better....

  2. What a great post--so glad you are finding joy with your transformation! Best of luck to you!